It always blows my mind just a little bit-- it's precious to hear, but something in me doesn't know how to respond. It comes from people who love Don and me deeply, or from new friends who are so gentle and loving and whose hearts are full of compassion (and they're grateful that we're not dealing with our grief by robbing banks and taking hostages). Anyway, I kept hearing it so much that I finally had to start thinking about it: Lord? Wait a minute. We really are holding it together pretty well. They're not just saying that-- they're observing something.
I know that that strength isn't Don and me.
Do you remember that little kids' song from bible school that goes, "The wise man builds his house upon a rock, the wise man builds his house upon a rock..."? Do you remember what happens to the wise man's house?
The Two Foundations
24 "Therefore everyone who hears these words of Mine and acts on them, may be compared to a wise man who built his house on the rock.
25 "And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and slammed against that house; and yet it did not fall, for it had been founded on the rock.
26 "Everyone who hears these words of Mine and does not act on them, will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand.
27 "The rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and slammed against that house; and it fell--and great was its fall."
28 When Jesus had finished these words, the crowds were amazed at His teaching;
29 for He was teaching them as one having authority, and not as their scribes (Matt 7: 24-29)
I remember singing that song at Vacation Bible School at First Baptist Church of Conyers. I remember singing it at Rockdale Baptist Church. I remember singing it in kindergarten and in the car and everywhere else.
Oh, the rain came down
And the floods came up
The rain came down
And the floods came up
The rain came down
And the floods came up
And the wise man's house stood firm
I remember that we would do these little hand motions along with the words and even as we sang, the Word was becoming part of what I knew: The wise man will build his house upon the rock. And when the storms come, his house will stand firm.
Because storms come. Our lives are filled with them. And there are hours of perfect analogies that can be made between storms and life and character and gardens and growth and depth, but the basic truth is that we live in a fallen place where things happen that break our hearts. Even little children are not shielded completely from the harshness that can come with living. The storms are coming. If we haven't had one yet, we will. It's life and it's true and it's deeply important. We would dry up, our roots would not reach deep into the soil, we would brown and crinkle away and no one would take cover under our branches and we would reach no depth without storms.
It's what we do when they get here.
The wise man builds his house upon the rock.
I don't know that I would call myself especially wise, but I would call myself desperate at times. And I know that, in my earlier years, I cried out to God because I was as lost as a lawn chair in a hurricane. I remember struggling so hard with unbelief and confusion that I did not know which way was up spiritually. I had no idea where to go in any area of my life: I had flunked out of college, was living (perpetually baked) in my parents' house with no plans for moving forward, and was thoroughly depressed. By the time I made it to Cimarron, Colorado, for my Discipleship Training School (DTS) with YWAM, I was on the verge of suicide (by the way, I do not endorse DTS for someone who was where I was with the Lord at the time-- I believe I was a serious exception to the rule. Normally, a person like me is a bad candidate for ministry, you know?).
It was in that school that I came face to face with my wretchedness. I remember going to different school leaders and even different speakers, telling them, "Help me! I feel like I don't believe in God! I am in agony," and it was like the Lord had completely blinded them. I was like the little bird in that children's book, asking "Are you my mother?" to every person I thought might have an answer. He knew that this was something that had to happen between Him and me and no one else. At that moment in my life, if I had found someone with an answer, they would have become my idol, no doubting it. He struck them all dumb and led me one night out to the side of the mountain.
"GOD!!!!!!!!!!" I screamed and wept and hollered and cried and snot froze on my face. I cried out to Him for a sign, a word, something-- anything. Strike me with lightning! Send a shooting star...right... NOW! Cause an elk to wander right up to me! Make that branch fall!
Nothing.
I remember waiting there, feeling myself get more and more calm (and more and more cold-- it was about 10 degrees out there). Finally, I just looked up up at Him and said,
"Alright. Okay. How's this: I'm going to serve You anyway. Even if I feel like this-- that You don't exist and that I'm insane-- for the rest of my life, I'm giving my life to You anyway. I'm in. All the way. Just...don't leave me."
And I went to bed.
The wise man built his house upon the rock
The wise man built his house upon the rock
The wise man built his house upon the rock
I pursued God and His face from that moment on. And that sense of being so alone went away and He showed Himself to me. I chose Him because He extended His hand to me and I knew that there was no other way. No other choices seemed even remotely good. I was stuck. I wasn't smart-- I was desperate. Only His teachings made any sense. With His wisdom working within me, not my own, I started building my house upon Him.
Oh, the rain came down
And the floods came up
The rain came down
And the floods came up
The rain came down
And the floods came up
This song, this story, blows my mind now.
Because you don't know, until a really harsh storm comes, what you're made of. I think people find out what kind of roofing job they paid for, or the quality of their decks and patio furniture, after a really hard rain. All kinds of things get tested in harsh weather. Houses. Cars. Lawns. Marriages. Friendships. Callings. All kinds of things.
I am so thankful for the friends who see strength in me, but this is what they're seeing. We were just ready, in a way, for this hideous flood and rain, our unexpected loss. And it makes me grateful, because that means that this kind of strength-- where your house doesn't "go splat" (like the song says)-- is free for all who need it. But it's important that the building happen in the good times-- when the sun is out and it's easy to build and your focus is on building, not on surviving.
So, build your house on the Lord Jesus Christ
Build your house on the Lord Jesus Christ
Build your house on the Lord Jesus Christ
And the blessings will come down
Oh, the blessings come down
As your prayers go up
The blessings come down
As your prayers go up
The blessings come down
As your prayer go up
So build your house on the Lord Jesus Christ.
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