Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Overheard...

Administrative Duties...
In a note sent to my husband from another high school teacher in our community today...

Girl: Mr. Smith [not his real name], I just got my administration and I really need to go change my pants...

Fashion Diva meets Brainiac...or not

Three of my students were having an argument about the exam schedule for next week.

Boy: Shut up. You know you ain't done homework for that class in a month. You always cheatin'. You don't know nothin' about no exam schedule.

Girl 1: You a lie.

Girl 2: Girl, I got this. Bobby*, I know you think you're mad smart with those new glasses, but it ain't true. They cute glasses but they ain't magic glasses.

I am going to miss this crop of freshmen. Well, most of them. But this group-- even the bad ones-- has made me laugh so hard this year.

Monday, May 17, 2010

sigh.

Oh, good afternoon.

Tired. All the tired teachers go, "haaay..."

And feeling a little quirksome.

The end of the year is like... what's it like? It's like... four weeks of feeling like you're being squished into a tiny bean bag, slooooowly.

The kids are at each other's throats, the teachers are stretched as thin as can be, the parents are completely freaking out, the wheels on the bus go 'round and 'round...

Something funny happened after Ben's birthday.

Nothing.

I don't know what it was. This whole year, I have felt like I was on some sort of countdown toward this magical, heartbreaking date, and once it happened, it was... anticlimactic? That's not right. It was...just a day.

He was just as gone.

He was just as much the gigantic life-changer wrapped in a teeninesey package as he ever was.

The scar across my tummy still itches.

The pain in my heart still comes and goes.

I don't know what I expected from that day.

But here's something I know now: I can cry out to the Lord and He hears me. I have been offered so much advise from so many beautiful, genuinely good-hearted people this year and have found that so much of what I really needed to hear and know could only be spoken to my heart through His word and waiting in His presence.

I have also learned that He can speak to my pain through the lips of people who do not know or love Him. I just have to listen. He's hiding everywhere.

I have learned that He really is the only source of life for me. That Jesus Christ is the only answer for me.

I have learned that I can run to the Rock of my salvation and even though I can't lay my hands on Him physically, He unfolds me and pours out the balm of His presence into my aches.

And I am learning about the sheer power of gratefulness.

Yesterday, I stood in my kitchen and got all teary-eyed and began to just say, "Oh Lord... thank you for my house. Oh wow, I just love my home. Thank you, thank you, thank you...."

And I felt like dancing.

And for a minute, I thought of how sweet it would be to be dancing my son around this beautiful home, but I knew we would dance around one day... just not today... and I brought my brain back to this moment of thankfulness.

Oh, how I love Jesus. Oh, how I love Jesus...