Wednesday, June 17, 2009


Sometimes I feel like I'm holding sadness away, at the end of my outstretched arm. I pinch my nose with my free hand and look away, like it's a bag of stinky trash.

Other times, I let it wash over me.

I can't do both at once. Grief is an awkward dance, and sometimes it's beautiful. Mostly, I think, I stumble.

Oh why did you have to go? Nothing will ever be the same without you Benjamin-- your presence in my body, your arrival on my horizon. I hope our Father lets you know how I long for your mother and father long for you.

I am benumbed and badly crushed;
I groan because of the agitation of my heart.
Lord, all my desire is before You;
And my sighing is not hidden from You.

psalm 38:9


Miki said...


You have truly been amazing to watch on this terrible journey as you have pressed every ounce of grace out of this. I am amazed by you!



Susan Boone said...

Sam...I was thinking of you yesterday as your 6th Tuesday without him came and went. I know about dancing that crazy dance...I'm just glad you are sharing these thoughts. We're both stumbling through our grief, but your faith and your raw honesty have been such a comfort and blessing. Thank you for sharing so much...for giving so much. I just pray that blessings rain down upon are in my heart, my friend.