Sometimes I feel like I'm holding sadness away, at the end of my outstretched arm. I pinch my nose with my free hand and look away, like it's a bag of stinky trash.
Other times, I let it wash over me.
I can't do both at once. Grief is an awkward dance, and sometimes it's beautiful. Mostly, I think, I stumble.
Oh why did you have to go? Nothing will ever be the same without you Benjamin-- your presence in my body, your arrival on my horizon. I hope our Father lets you know how I long for you...how your mother and father long for you.
I am benumbed and badly crushed;
I groan because of the agitation of my heart.
Lord, all my desire is before You;
And my sighing is not hidden from You.