I'm completely crazy.
No, I'm serious. When it comes to worrying, I tend to be incredibly creative in figuring out new ways to do it. It's almost like there is something in me that craves worry... something so drawn to paralyzing fear. But it's something I am committed to giving over to the Lord. My pastor spoke of having the mind of Christ today, and this passage comes to mind tonight--
13And we impart this in words not taught by human wisdom but taught by the Spirit, interpreting spiritual truths to those who are spiritual.
14The natural person does not accept the things of the Spirit of God, for they are folly to him, and he is not able to understand them because they are spiritually discerned.
15 The spiritual person judges all things, but is himself to be judged by no one.
16 "For who has understood the mind of the Lord so as to instruct him?" But we have the mind of Christ.
There is so much here, but the idea of having the mind of Christ...that humble mind of Christ that trusts God and His wisdom. That mind of Christ that trusts that His Father is perfect. That cannot ever fathom the sovereignty of God and chooses to look Him in the face and just trust... like the eyes of a little baby when it looks into the face of its mother: I don't completely understand you or who you are or why you love me, but you keep doing it and I trust you and look only to you. Simplicity.
We have an ultrasound tomorrow afternoon-- it's a perinatal exam; there will be some special stuff because I am over 35 and am considered "at risk" (for some reason, these words do not bother me one whit. Maybe because I watched my friend Ericka have 5 children, all over the age of 35). Anyway, we'll get a good look at the baby tomorrow and I am both excited and afraid-- and I hear that this is normal. I went to the doctor last week because I had some spotting the week before and they tried to hear the baby's heartbeat and weren't able to-- the doctor wasn't worried about that because I was only 12 weeks and she said that it was a bit early with the external thingy, but I wanted to hear that heartbeat again...
And on top of that, I've been feeling better-- who gets freaked out because they are feeling better? My goodness, what a nutcase I am! It was right on time, too--everyone has told me that I would begin feeling better around the 12th or 13th week (honestly, though, I am so easily influenced-- if experienced mothers had all told me that I would begin growing acorns out of my nose, that probably would have happened...). I told Don the other day that I just didn't feel pregnant any more because I didn't feel like youknowwhat any more. He just cocked his head to the side, looked at me funny and told me that I was insane.
But if I have the mind of Christ, I will walk with faith. This baby is a miracle all around. But I go cold at the thought of walking in there and getting a bad report tomorrow...what if... OH but why dwell on such thoughts?
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things (Philippians 4:8).
If I have the mind of Christ, I will be constantly distracted with the goodness and the wisdom of the Lord. I will trust Him that whatever is happening in my womb is under His strictest care. I will trust that He put that baby there in the first place, without us trying but always hoping in our hearts, and He has a purpose for it. Him. Her.
Whatever is true. Honorable. Just. Pure. Lovely. Commendable. Excellent. Worthy of Praise. I will stay my mind on Jesus. He is all of those things.
I remember when I was a teenager my mom handed me that verse written on a piece of paper during church one day. She must have discerned that I was walking through something that was bumming me out (who knows what it was-- teenagers... so happy to be done with that!) and those words were straight from the Lord. If I'm a worrier now, how much more will I be when this child is a teenager, aching and hurting like I was so much of the time? I want to be like my parents-- I know that they worried, but they prayed, too. Whatever is true. Whatever is lovely.
I will think on these things. And I will expect a heartbeat and a perfect report tomorrow. More than that, I will just expect the will of the Lord and the mind of Christ.