Thursday, September 22, 2011

Thankfulness, still

It seems to always happen to me in the kitchen.

I had just rushed to my house between meetings yesterday and I was standing at the counter, looking into the foyer, when a rush of love for my home just came at me. Thankful. So thankful for the way my Father loves me. So thankful for the way He has blessed Don and me. Longing for so many things, but thankful, still.

I wrote it down on my ipod right afterward, but I wanted to reproduce it here.

Here was my magnificat:

Lord, thank You for this house. Thank You for this beautiful house You built so many years ago, just for us. Thank You for the floors and the ceilings and the way the light pours in the windows. Thank You for the porch. Thank You for the friends I have laughed and cried with on that porch. Thank You for the red-checkered floor that my Don put down in the laundry room. Thank You for Chuck's brilliant idea to put in a staircase to the attic. Thank you for the perfectly preserved doors and door knobs. Thank You for the front door and the gigantic Christmas tree and the way Don and I laughed and laughed as he pulled it through. Thank You for this place, Lord.


And Lord, fill this house. Fill it. Fill it with Your Spirit. Fill it with children or fill it with friends, but fill it. Lord, we want Your will for our lives, for our home. We hope our desires are the same as Yours, but if they aren't, I ask you to help me to want what You want. Only You can see everything. We see such a little part. If what I want isn't what You want, I submit my heart to You for change. Mold me-- I give You permission to bend me. Fill my home and my life with Your light and Your life and Your will and Your presence. You, Jesus. You. Make it what You want-- we give You permission-- but help us to want what You want.

And Lord, if it's not a baby, then let me just offer that desire to You as a sacrifice of praise. I tell You that I choose to worship You either way. And not begrudgingly, but joyfully. This is our small sacrifice: to submit to Your will. To worship You in the face of longing. And to choose to long more for You than for the things of this place. Just help me, Lord. Help my heart to want what You want. Do what You will, but help me to love Your will. I trust You Lord.You are worthy of everything good.