Sunday, December 18, 2005

Hear Ye, Hear Ye

Couple of things:
1) Kevin's piece will be aired on NPR (that's 90.1 FM) at 7:51AM (that's the MORNING) on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday mornings!!! Let's all turn out to hear him (some of you will be sleeping in because you have already finished finals, and I don't want to hear about that...). Yay Kevin!!! We're so proud of you!!

2) I saw this on facebook and had to post it-- it's hilarious:

T’was the week before finals,
And all through the college,
The students were praying
For last minute knowledge.

Most were quite sleepy,
But none touched their beds,
While visions of essays
Danced in their heads.

Out in the taverns,
A few were still drinking,
And hoping that liquor
Would loosen up their thinking.

In my own room,
I had been pacing,
And dreading exams
I soon would be facing.

My roommate was speechless,
Her nose in her books,
And my comments to her
drew unfriendly looks.

I drained all the coffee,
And brewed a new pot,
No longer caring
that my nerves were shot.

I stared at my notes,
But my thoughts were muddy,
My eyes went ablur,
I just couldn't study.

"Some pizza might help,"
I said with a shiver,
But each place I called
Refused to deliver.

I'd nearly concluded
That life was too cruel,
With futures depending
On grades had in school.

When all of a sudden,
our door opened wide,
And Patron Saint Put It Off
Ambled inside.

His spirit was careless,
His manner was mellow,
All of a sudden,
He started to bellow.

"On Cliff notes, on Crib Notes
On last year Exams.
On Wingit and Slingit
And Last Minute Crams."

His message delivered
he vanished from sight.
But we heard him laughing
Outside in the night.

Your professors have pegged you-
So just do your best.
Happy Finals to All,
And to all a Good Test.

Good luck on finals!!!ha ha!!!

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not flunk; He keepeth me from lying down when I should be studying. He leadeth me beside the water cooler for a study break. He restoreth my faith in study guides. He leads me to better study habits For my grade's sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of borderline grades, I will not have a nervous breakdown For Thou art with me. My prayers and my friends, they comfort me. Thou givest me answers in moments of blankness; Thou anointest my head with understanding. My test paper runneth over with questions I recognize. Surely passing grades and flying colors shall follow me. All the days of my examination, And I shall not have to dwell in this university forever, AMEN!!!!!

I know you guys are done, but IT WILL HAPPEN AGAIN!!!
back to the books...

Saturday, December 10, 2005

what do you want?

What is it that we want? Today, I want to impress my professor with my brilliance so that he will not notice that I positively stink in science, but I'm a nice girl and my uncommon genius is simply restricted to all things non-science, math and spanish related. :) I want to produce a piece of work in my senior studio that will cause my professor to crumble to the ground in an emotional heap and cry out to whatever God is responsible for my artistic gift to please strike her blind so that she will never have to see another thing in existence to mar the perfection of the pieces I have presented for next week's critique and that it will be the last and only image burned on her heart.

But I digress. Are those really the things I want? Well, yes. Sort of. I do find myself staring into space, thinking about how I want to do something in the printshop, wanting it to be perfect, or at least what I see in my head. I do want to make really good grades and make my husband and parents and brother and friends proud. No pressure. I do want to be understood as smart and nice and talented and well-meaning.

And that's it sometimes, isn't it? We want to be understood for the truest, best part of who we are-- that intention that didn't come across quite as clearly as you meant it to. That point you were making that wasn't aimed for the heart of your listener, but registered there as a wound anyway. We want to be understood that we aren't as callous as we seem, jealous as we seem, fearful as we seem. We want to be seen.

It's all there in the Word. The Lord tells us that only He truly knows the heart of a man--- he sees the smallest speck of all of our truest intentions, which truth be told are often a mess of alternately generous and selfish intentions, and loves us loves us loves us.

Have you ever walked away from a conversation and winced because of what you just said? I have. O holy night, I have. Just this week, at least three times I said aloud as I walked away, "Why Lord? Why did I say that? Please fix anything I just did." I was tired or in a hurry or frustrated. Today, I had a conversation about the veracity of the Bible with two good friends who are also believers. After the conversation I just had to come before the Lord again with the same old prayer: please help me to stop sounding like I think I know everything Jesus. I know I don't know it all, am soundly convinced, but somehow I don't think I communicate that with my tone of voice...." How icky to sound pompous on the one sure bet in the world: No one understands the maintained integrity of the bible. NO ONE. Name four million people and we can agree that those four million do not have it. Only Jesus does.

All this to say, after the conversation was over and they were both gone, I wondered what it was that was stealing my peace so-- it wasn't the two friends. It wasn't the conversation. It was my deep need to be understood and the feeling that I wasn't just then and there was nothing I could do to make it happen right then. But the Lord saw my heart...

But the Lord...these are such comforting words. So often, it's like the whole "Santa is watching!!" we tell little kids to make them behave. "God is watching!" we put on a billboard to warn sinners (the other ones besides ourselves), when instead of threatening or warning, it should be so comforting. "Oh, thank goodness-- the one who really knows what I meant to say is long as He knows..."

going to sleep now--
i love you guys--
i love Him...