Saturday, February 27, 2010

Penance-The Mission

The journey through grief is sloppy. Messy. When you're dealing with emotions, it's nearly impossible to follow the directions and do it "right." Sometimes it just feels like an endless trek through the mud with a heartless boulder tied to your waist....

I've seen this clip before-- especially in DTSes (Discipleship Training School) in YWAM-- having to do with grace and sin and letting go of the condemnation we so often foist upon ourselves but which has nothing to do with the love of the Lord.

But when I was thinking about what this grief has done to me physically and spiritually in the last few months, this was suddenly the image that came to mind. Trying very hard to climb out of the ravine, I find myself making headway but slipping in the mud of it all, pulled down by this rock of sadness-- sometimes.

Sometimes it's okay. But sometimes, this is how it feels.

But it's okay. I know someone who can carry it with me. Who knows that this sadness is real but who never leaves me alone in it. And I'm so grateful when someone can put the weight of what it can be like into words, you know? Even though the grief I'm talking about isn't exactly what the director was intending to illustrate, it's so good.

More later--

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