Well, my fingers are about to fall off of my hand because, until a couple of weeks ago, I haven't played the guitar in AGES, and now I am leading worship every Saturday morning for the upcoming Chrysalis, for which I agreed to be head worship-- the weekend will be fantastic fantastic, but I am honestly looking forward to sleeping in the very first Saturday after that weekend-- the meetings started the first weekend after school started and I feel exhausted!! But the truth is only that I'd like to sleep in-- being with these women (and a couple of men) of God is so sweet, and listening to their talks is so encouraging. Anyway, I think that I will be able to pull off an F, which is a very big deal.
See, about 15 years ago, my best friend taught me that I could play virtually any song at all using only four chords: G, D, C, and E-- oh, and it was good to know A, too, but you could manage if you needed to without it. She was absolutely correct about that. I mean, you're definitely limited, but it's doable.
But there's this one song... "All who are thirsty/All who are weak/Come to the fountain/Dip your heart in the stream of life/Let the pain and the sorrow/Be washed away/In the waves of His mercy/As deep cries out to deep/We sing come Lord Jesus, come..." Beautiful. My heart just sings these words. Come Lord Jesus, come. That He responds to our thirst-- that He calls to the thirsty places in us, that He calls to the deepest hearts of who we are... And you just can't play this gorgeous song without F. I've been playing it tonight and am doing alright, but I'm really having to concentrate, which isn't always easy when you're worshipping, too.
So I'm playing it and I'm aware that I could fall apart completely while actually leading it tomorrow, and I wonder why that is. How can I just dissolve myself completely into Him and be able to just lead tomorrow? I guess just do that: dissolve myself into Him. But my fingers get all tight and I bear down too hard on the strings and hurt myself almost every time...how to "lose" myself like when I sing? I don't know the answer to it.
I had a friend in YWAM, Jonathan, who talked about how he taught himself to play guitar-- other than the fact that the guy is just a straight-up genius. He said that he got good and depressed and would sit in his room for hours and hours listening to the radio and playing what he heard them doing. When he told me, I think that he thought that this was helpful information. Um, no. I still can't play. And I've been depressed plenty.
Anyway, I'm going to just go for it. And I'm going to stop complaining about getting up early or having no Labor Day weekend because of the flight. It's an honor to be able to do it, but not just to be allowed, but to be ABLE.
I've realized that lately I've been taking some things for granted and I want to stop. In the last couple of days, I have listened to friends who are longing for a career they can love-- and I have one. Others are longing deeply for a husband...and I have one. There are those who wish they could return to school-- I did. Some who miss their parents-- and I still have mine. So many things to be grateful for-- who knows where to begin counting the multitude of blessings??
Anyway, there is no monumental occasion (like Lent or New Year) to mark this new thing I want to do, but I'm doing it today. August 15. The Year of Appreciating Things has begun.
I will start with my bed and go to it now.