At the same time, I'm loving all of this...solitude. I could be doing stuff, but I have chosen to be completely quiet every night and it's so weird. Went to group this morning (which was awesome-- I'm really convinced that we need to offer this course to teachers-- it's a parenting group that Dad and I are facilitating through an anti-child abuse organization here in our community and some of the attendees are send through the courts while others are there on their own) and realized that I hadn't spoken to anyone since sometime yesterday afternoon. After group I went to the doctor (hypochondriac is fine) and then to work in my classroom. Other than chatting a bit with Scott and Officer M., I was completely alone the entire afternoon (and a convo about the 4th with Kristen).
And it was good.
I'm supposed to be completely driven to be around people. My Meyers-Briggs thing says that I am an ENFJ, but really I'm on the line for most of those. I was almost half and half on a couple of them. But have you ever notice that the older you get, the more you kind of...mellow out? But I wonder if that's true of introverts. Seems like introverts might stay introverted, while extroverts seem to discover that being alone is pretty nice sometimes... so does that mean that the introverts have it all right? I KNEW it. Dang.
Anyway, I'm kind of rambling here. Must have something to do with the voice that has not come out of my mouth much. Got a lot of thoughts all jumbled up in here!
Bullet points, just to get them out:
-people are weird.
-i miss my husband.
-i wish Big Love was still on.
-i'm concerned that i won't be able to watch Ghosthunters tomorrow night because Don isn't here.
-i'm really, seriously frustrated with a couple of situations that i have absolutely zero control over.
-i miss my nieces and sometimes think, wouldn't it be cool if it was like Little House on the Prairie times or early-American times when families lived in the same towns and stayed near each other? oh my heart, i miss baby ella. made worse because i don't know when we'll see her again. must make time with chandler, too, and soon. she'll be walking before we know it. and she's straight up adorable.
-i'm so excited about school coming up. nervous about teaching bible. it will be fine, but still nervous. if the roster i saw is correct, that class is HUGE and it's made up of Caroline's former students because she was going to be teaching it before it was given to me. great. we'll have students striking the first day of class. plus, did i mention that it's huge?
-i want to let something go, but i can't. am i still hurt or just really, really curious? both, maybe. what am i hurt about? being embarrassed. old, old situation. maybe i'm irritated, too.
-was it just me, or did my doctor seem to be completely checked out today? i'm sure she's great. it was weird. anyway, i'm okay, so that's good. oh no-- isn't this how old hypochondriacs act??? like their doctors are never good enough? oh my gosh...
-did i mention that i miss my don? he'll be home soon. and i'll talk his ears off. pray for him :)
that is all. oh, latest picture of ella and me :)
Ella and Papa!