Sunday, May 25, 2008

It must be a tumor

So, I am starting to realize that there is something in my psyche that gets completely freaked out at the possibility of being bored. Yes, friends, school is out and today I am convinced that I have cancer again. It's honestly like clockwork.


And it's marginally funny. I'm at Borders picking out a book for most-esteemed-niece #1-- Wave by Suzy Lee (an illustration to the left here)-- and I broke into a cold sweat in the store. I have cramps-- that's all it is, and I know that I'm being blunt (I'm sorry if that's TMI!), but my point is the fact that I am so predictable!! And I have to kind of laugh, but at the same time I'm in a panic. That same panic: what if you tell yourself it's nothing when you actually DO have something wrong?

How can I manage to be fairly intelligent but believe my own untrustworthy self every time? Puh-leeze.


But lately I've been thinking about the fact that only Jesus can set us free. Only He can save us from ourselves, our minds, our temptations, our fears-- and He says, "All who are thirsty, come to me and I will give you something to drink." Staying away from Him is like hating ourselves. To deny yourself that life...to deny myself the peace that restores sanity...it's like treating myself worse than I would ever treat another person.


So what does it mean to be a friend to myself? It means giving myself every bit of what I need. Not want, but need. Going to the cross where it can all be found. Making myself sit at the feet of the one-- the only one-- who can give us sanctuary.


Hm. I need to go think.

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