Sunday, May 25, 2008

It must be a tumor

So, I am starting to realize that there is something in my psyche that gets completely freaked out at the possibility of being bored. Yes, friends, school is out and today I am convinced that I have cancer again. It's honestly like clockwork.

And it's marginally funny. I'm at Borders picking out a book for most-esteemed-niece #1-- Wave by Suzy Lee (an illustration to the left here)-- and I broke into a cold sweat in the store. I have cramps-- that's all it is, and I know that I'm being blunt (I'm sorry if that's TMI!), but my point is the fact that I am so predictable!! And I have to kind of laugh, but at the same time I'm in a panic. That same panic: what if you tell yourself it's nothing when you actually DO have something wrong?

How can I manage to be fairly intelligent but believe my own untrustworthy self every time? Puh-leeze.

But lately I've been thinking about the fact that only Jesus can set us free. Only He can save us from ourselves, our minds, our temptations, our fears-- and He says, "All who are thirsty, come to me and I will give you something to drink." Staying away from Him is like hating ourselves. To deny yourself that deny myself the peace that restores's like treating myself worse than I would ever treat another person.

So what does it mean to be a friend to myself? It means giving myself every bit of what I need. Not want, but need. Going to the cross where it can all be found. Making myself sit at the feet of the one-- the only one-- who can give us sanctuary.

Hm. I need to go think.

No comments: